jump jump jump
your feet are flowers
quick and happy
and you say they're in love
even if it's winter
but love is a snowcapped peak
you can climb there
but you cannot stay

---

i hate commercials for bumpits and online college.
but i like that 2009 is over, and this is a year free from her.

AHH I NEED A NEW SLR.

well, a new old slr.

i also need a passport.
i don't know what i'm doing this summer.
my friend is going to olympia, washington and living in a queer collective and i might go too.
other possibilities:

• sublet in montreal
• couchsurfing/roadtripping (my sister joined a commune cult so she is giving me her car)
• taiwan/thailand
  
• staying at camp baima (bffs house)
• sublet in boston
• portland, maine

 i don't know yet. i have the freedom to do just about anything i want.


so in other news, my sister joined a commune/cult/patriarchal countercommunity. to give some background, my sister is basically all the family i have, but we didn't spend a lot of time together and when we did, we didn't get along well. she did some terrible things to me. example:

she took my baby blanket and wouldn't give it back to me unless i cut it in half. she said she'd sew it back together, so i did it, like, 3/4 of the way. she only sewed half of it back together, so it just had a big hole, and i wore it as a cape.

 if that wasn't bad enough, i'll add in there that getting that baby blanket is one of my earliest memories. i had to have surgery on my intestines and things when i was really really little because i had some kind of internal bleeding/hemorrhage issue. i don't actually remember that thankfully. but i remember doctors not being able to find my vein and i remember picking out the blanket at a nurses station or something. i want to stress that i was REALLY young, like less than two- i told my sister about it once and she didn't understand how i knew details. i was attached to that baby blanket like nothing else- i didn't have a bear or anything.

so basically my sister a bitch. i could bitterly go on about her manipulating all my childhood fears (which were mainly things like wet canned cat food and mayonaisse), but i won't.

anyway, while we reconciled a few months ago, it's just a fact that my sister is/was almost most selfish person i know, so her giving me all her worldly goods means she's serious about this cult thing. she just really wants a family, and religion seems to do it for her. she's not great at making friends, so church works for her. she was a member of the LDS church for a while, and even got engaged to a missionary.

so the summary of things she gave me:

• HUGE box of vintage jewelry, including an entire bag of silver and gold chains, my maternal grandfathers' and grandmothers' rosaries, some authentic green and white jade jewelry, vintage pearls and an old french silver book pendant i can't even find any information on online.

• her platinum and diamond engagement ring from when she got engaged that one time.

• $50 ticketmaster giftcard

• N64 and games!!!

• her car (a year from now or when i need it)

• my coin collection from when i was little and weird (though my sister or someone else stole all the coins worth anything)

• my baby blanket, which she's had since the 90s.
  

as far as the car, i live in a city, so i just can't afford having it (the prices of parking are ridiculous) so if i'm still in boston i can just sell/donate it.

but basically we've made an agreement to see each other at least once every three years. there's always the chance i'll never hear from her again after a few years, which happens to a lot of people who join.

so i smoked her up for the last time and I bought her dinner and we went and saw a movie and we said goodbye to each other.